Ten Years Later, I Still Feel Lost Without You

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I still dream about it when the weather gets colder.  When Halloween creeps up I can’t help but think about it.  How can ten years pass by like that? Sometimes I have to make sure I didn’t just make it all up.  Now the only place it resides is in my dreams.

Ten years ago Taco Bell came out with a special “Halloween-themed taco,” the Black Jack Taco.  It was almost identical to the regular hard shelled taco that they sell, except for two noticeable differences.  The obvious black shell for Halloween, and it came with baja sauce, the ranch like sauce that they put on the Gordita Crunch.  Now when this came out in 2009, this was long before the days of the Doritos locos taco with different colored shells.  Back then hard shelled tacos only came in standard taco color.

Image result for taco bell chihuahua
The color of the Taco Bell Chihuahua helped to make the standard taco color in the shell, plus he added to the delicious taste. Rest In Peace, little buddy, this world couldn’t handle your beauty or savory finish.

On Halloween night 2009 Taco Bell ran a promotion, they gave out free Black Jack Tacos from 6pm to midnight.  That is how I was able to try this delicious wonder, and unfortunately it hasn’t left my mind in the decade that has now passed.  Every year I look to see if this will finally be the year that it gets brought back, and I always have to check does anyone else have any idea what this even is?

Image result for black jack taco
Nothing good ever happens after midnight, well of course that’s when the free tacos stop and the monsters come out.

The whole world seems to have moved on, like it never existed or it didn’t matter.  But it did.  The taco was only offered around Halloween in 2009, but every year like Linus I find myself waiting in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin to return.

Image result for the great pumpkin
The Great Pumpkin is actually second cousins once removed from the Black Jack Taco.

Maybe if I believe hard enough in the power of this black taco it will return.  Maybe if I make some form of animal sacrifice some benevolent God will take pity on me and return this delicious creation back from the dead if only for one night.  A boy can dream.

Image result for large group of cows
Something tells me a large number of animals have already been “sacrificed” in the name of Taco Bell.

Taco Bell is not the only fast-food “restaurant” to come out with black Halloween themed food.  In 2015, Burger King came out with a black Halloween whooper.  It was quickly pulled from stores after less than 2 weeks on the market after customers complained that the squid ink used to dye the buns black turned their poop green.

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Surprisingly Black Jack Taco and Black whopper completely unrelated, just close friends.

While doing my research about the Black Jack Taco, I found that the reason this taco has never returned was the same problem with black dye.  Customers complained that the black shell turned their poop green.

Image result for crying on toilet
He’s sad about the shortage of black Halloween themed foods, and maybe a little about the green part.

That is no reason to stop selling this wonderful creation from the heavens.  When people eat at Taco Bell there is a reasonable consideration that putting their food in your mouth will wreak havoc on your insides, so I don’t think this is really any different or worse than the outcomes of eating any of their other menu creations.

Image result for deal with the devil
When you eat at Taco Bell you’re making a deal with the devil. But it’s sooo worth it.

Taco Bell needs to bring this back, now more than ever.  As a country we can’t agree on whether we should have an orange president, but I think we can agree blue or red that we do need a black taco.

Image result for orange trump
Less orange President’s. More Black Tacos
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Max is a Senior at New England College majoring in Political Science and minoring in Creative Writing. He is from Upstate New York. This is his second semester writing for The New Englander. Contrary to many reports, he is not Professor Homestead’s brother. Max is a huge Yankees and Giants fan, and is currently on a quest to go to all 30 MLB Stadiums. He writes most things, from the mundane to the nonsensical, including opinion pieces. Max also writes a column, The Scallion, which is his version of the popular satire website The Onion. Regardless of what you may have heard he does not bring the problems from the 90’s into 2 thou’.
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